“The Mirror I Didn’t Need Anymore“

Some connections aren’t built on love or even lust.
They’re built on need.
Not the kind that fills your cup
but the kind that reminds you,
for a fleeting moment,
that you still exist.

He wasn’t a stranger.
He was once tied to someone I used to love deeply
someone who couldn’t meet me, couldn’t choose me,
but still left a mark.

They were close once; shared a roof, a bond, a history.
But distrust brewed quietly in that space.
Possessiveness. Suspicion.
The kind that turns friends into strangers and turns women like me into forbidden territory.
I always knew I was being watched, even when I hadn’t done anything wrong.

Eventually, the friendship between them shattered.
And once it did, he and I started speaking again.
Just as friends at first; nothing more, nothing less.

But over time, that shifted.
Not into love.
Not into something dangerous.
Just into something mutually hollow.

I didn’t want him.
Not like that.

He was never the one I longed for in the silence.
Never the name I whispered to the universe.
Never the face I saw in the flicker of old memories.

But I still replied.
Still let the flirtation stretch into comfort.
Still danced with it, because in that moment,
it felt better than the silence I had grown tired of sitting in.

He gave me attention.
Compliments.
Energy that felt good to receive
but never truly touched the places inside me that were aching.

And I gave him the same.
Knowing damn well neither of us was what the other truly wanted.

He had his own wounds.
A complicated relationship.
An absence of affection.
He told me he was loyal; committed, even
but that it was nice to feel wanted.
Nice to be reminded that he still held weight in someone’s eyes.

And I got it.
I really did.
Because I had been starving too
but not for him.

For something deeper.
Something real.
Something I thought I’d tasted once but couldn’t seem to find again.

We were two people with half healed hearts,
using each other’s words like gauze.
Wrapping each other in soft lies like:
“You’re still beautiful.”
“You still matter.”

And maybe for a moment, we did.

But I couldn’t keep doing it.
Not because it became too much
but because it became too empty.

Because no matter what he said,
his words never reached the places I needed to be touched.
Because even when he called me stunning, I still craved the voice that wasn’t his.
Because every message from him made me realize
I wasn’t healing; I was hiding.

And I’ve done enough of that.

He didn’t hurt me.
But I nearly betrayed myself staying in something that wasn’t aligned.

Because I know what I bring.
I know who I am.
I know what I’ve survived and what I’m no longer settling for.

And men who only see the surface of me
who fall for the idea of me but never earn the right to hold me
aren’t on my level anymore.

We were each other’s temporary relief.
Each other’s small escape.
Not soulmates.
Not lovers.
Not even real friends by the end of it.

Just two people trying to feel something
from someone we didn’t truly want.

He didn’t break me.
But he showed me just how much I’ve grown.
Because I used to cling to that kind of attention.

Now?….
I walk away from it; with clarity and no apology