Things are shifting. Friendships. Relationships. The way I see people. The way I see myself. My life feels like it’s moving whether I’m ready for it or not, and if there’s one thing everybody who knows me understands about me, it’s that I hate change. I hate the feeling of things becoming unfamiliar. I hate when comfort starts slipping through my hands and suddenly I’m standing in the middle of a version of life I don’t fully recognize yet. It makes me uncomfortable in a way that sits deep in my chest. Like I can physically feel everything changing around me while I’m still trying to catch up to it.

But I know this version of discomfort is necessary. I know nothing grows from staying in the same place forever. I can’t keep asking for a better life, a healthier mindset, a softer heart, stronger boundaries, and then expect all of that to happen while I stay exactly the same. Somewhere in all of this discomfort, I know I’m becoming someone different. Maybe even someone better. Not perfect. Just better than the version of me that kept holding onto things that were hurting her.

I want to heal the parts of me that are taking the longest to heal. The quiet parts. The stubborn wounds. The parts of me that still carry guilt, fear, attachment, loneliness, and the need to make everyone else comfortable before I ever think about myself. I want to let go of what keeps weighing me down emotionally. I want to stop carrying people just because I understand them. I want to stop feeling responsible for everyone’s feelings when half the time nobody even stops to consider mine.

And that’s the thing about me. I do have empathy. A lot of it. I care deeply. Probably too deeply sometimes. I never want to hurt anyone, even when I’m choosing myself. Even when walking away is the healthiest thing I can do. I always try to explain myself gently. I try to be transparent. Honest. Authentic. I try so hard to move through life with good intentions, but somehow I still end up feeling guilty for simply being who I am. Like maybe I’m too much in some ways and not enough in others.

It’s exhausting questioning yourself all the time. Wondering if being authentic is somehow wrong just because not everybody understands it. Wondering why choosing yourself can still feel so heavy even when you know it’s necessary.

I don’t want to keep feeling at war with myself. I just want to feel okay being me. Fully…. Without overexplaining myself. Without shrinking parts of myself to make other people more comfortable. Without feeling guilty for changing, healing, evolving, or outgrowing things that no longer fit my life anymore.

I want peace within myself more than anything right now. Slowly, I’m getting there, but damn it’s challenging.